My Great Big "HIGH RAW" Life Adventure

2011-12-04T12:34:00.001-08:00

12/2/11

No caffeine today. I ended up taking a nap before work @ 1:30 for 30min. It appears to have done the trick. Got lots of stuff done today in the office. I was super productive. Feels really good to make progress there. I'm such the procrastinator.

Will hit Bikram Yoga tomorrow and should make the 10am OA meeting in Santa Clara. I'm ready to find a sponsor and start working the steps there too.

12/3/11

Update: Next Day....ended up ordering pizza and bread sticks at work last night. I think it pushed me over the edge. I may have been feeling guilty or just fucking crazy and seriously was trying to think of a reason to use....get high and or drink a few beers. I so wanted to just start over....in my mind I was going to make the deal that i will start fresh tomorrow and have the same sobriety date as my abstinent date...great idea! Let's just fucking use tonight and start over, AGAIN, tomorrow...I was totally going to if my daughter would have only slept in my bed last night! Sometimes she likes to sleep in our bed and I'll gladly take her bed, therefore, "getting away" with drinking or whatever!!! But she didn't take the bait! I obsessed on it for at least 4 hours while at work...any other night and I would have gone through with it even with a glass or two of vino to tuck me in...vino makes me sleepy...instead, I drove to the midnight AA meeting! I started to make a recording on my iPhone to talk about my wanting to use and ended up screaming my lungs out and balling like a fucking baby! Arghhhh! I was so frustrated with being a fucking addict and not being fucking normal!! Frustrated that I couldn't come up with a good enough reason to use and drink that night................OMG....it felt good to release that tension! It was a very exhausting drive to the meeting, but I was so glad I went. I heard a great message and was ready for bed when I got home! Not before eating some more for good measure.

My new sobriety date just happens to be the date that my good fried passed away. It wasn't my plan, but it's interesting because I've been trying to come up with a "cool date" since I relapsed. My original date was April fools day 4/1/06. I dunno, I thought it was a good date! It was almost 4th of July of last year. 11/11/2011 would have been a good one! Then Dan passed away and it just so happened that I intentionally planned to stop for good! That's it! No Joke! One last time, again, to get high and drink some alcohol. I even video taped the occasion. I woke up feeling less than 100% but was 110% committed to be sober! THIS TIME!

Anyhow...I think I turned the corner in my sobriety! I just need to get through the steps!...

Today was a completely different day than most other days! I've pretty much fasted all day today on smoothies, green juice, oj/cran juice, and some coffee.....Yes, I did have some coffee. I had quite the food fucking hangover this morning, I thought I'd have some coffee! It was good and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

I went to an OA meeting this morning and wash't feeling it! I dunno! Maybe I'll just my food issues and categorize them as a character defect, which they are, and ask god to remove them! Progress not perfection. Hmm.....this may work....

Tomorrow we go to the symphony! Should be awesome! More later!

--Namaste

Tomorrow's a new day...

2011-12-02T00:09:00.001-08:00

I proved it, yet again, that I'm unable to drink coffee and try and eat right or plan to fast. I did that one other time, but that was a long time ago! I had a coffee today after my job was complete around noon. I know, I wasn't planning on having any coffee, EVER AGAIN, but I guess I wanted to try it again. This may be the first time, that I've written about it post relapse. Hey, at least it wasn't cannibis or alcohol. My new sobriety date is growing on me. Maybe tomorrow will be my new abstinence date! We'll see! I'm not planning on drinking coffee tomorrow. Fuck that! It was really good about 1 hour after drinking the coffee, but by the time I arrived back home, I already regretted drinking it. I was still going to stick to my healthy eating plan, but by the time 5pm rolled around, I was already thinking about fried food and trying to suck up the caffeine with shitty foods! Oh well, I did it again! It really is like alcohol to me. No matter how much health education I ingest into my mind. No matter how much I really, really want and honestly desire to eat a certain, specific way; I'm having trouble trying to control my eating! I really, really feel powerless over certain foods and it really makes my ego very very sad that I can't suck it up and stick to my program! My sober brain looks at this as an opportunity for growth in the OA program. My ego is so upset that I'm even thinking about needing help with my eating! "What the fucks a matter with you that you fucking can't control your fucking eating!" I was thinking about that today! I guess I really am an addict to a lot of things! I just don't want to continue to struggle with my weight! Thank god I'm vane! OMG! Thank god I care about how I look! I truly do! I know I'm not alone here! I sure hope I can help someone else with this terrible terrible fucking food issue! OK....I'm done venting! More later!

--Namaste

Days 1 thru 3-->No caffeine...

2011-11-28T10:11:00.001-08:00

10:11am

So Far so good! Had a good nights rest last night. Slept pretty solid. No coffee this am, and I'm not planning on having any today. Shouldn't be a big struggle. Day 1's typically aren't too big of an issue. It's day 5, 6, and 7 that normally starting shouting at me that I need to get some coffee in my system. That too is when I start feeling good! Good thing I'm off today from my regular job. I'm going to Bikram Yoga at noon. I have a couple of appointments this afternoon with my side business. Then plan on going to the 7pm AA meeting tonight. I'll try and post later.

Today's intake:

1 cup of chai tea

32oz of water
32oz of green smoothy
1 orange
Thanksgiving left overs
desert

I feel really good about not having any coffee today! Very ready for bed right now. Just wanted to get some text to the blog.

Bikram Yoga
Tried a different yoga studio today! I was very disappointed, but happy that I know about the setup and all that Jazz. I swear, my yoga studio totally rocks! Not that I've been to that many studios, but the ones that I have gone too, were not as satisfying. Every one of them were not as hot as our studio. Funny thing is, that was before they upgraded their heating system. You know you're going to sweat good when you go to Bikram in Santa Clara, CA!! I could also complain about a few of our teachers, but the one today, was so weak! I mean, come on...I want to hear the dialog. I want to feel the dialog being spoken with intensity! All of our instructors are just super passionate and it comes across in the way they speak the dialog. I did sweat. I did get a fairly good work out considering, I didn't have a mirror to look into to check my posture. I was in front of the glass door, and could see only a slight reflection of myself in the glass! Whatever!! The humidifier in the room sounded like a diesel engine! It was so loud, you could barely hear the instructor. I dunno! There are other studios I want to check out in the bay area, but I kinda don't want to waste my 90 minutes. I have so little free time as it is!! It's all good. I just wanted to vent!

Day 2 No caffeine

Thought I'd combine my posts since I didn't actually post last night. I was too tired by the time I got around to it.

Sleep was good last night. It was really heavy. I didn't roll out of bed til 9amish. Got to bed around 12am last night. I had some trippy dreams, that I've already forgotten mostly. I do remember that flickster was in it! Pretty odd....

I tried to make Bikram today, but my appointment ran over. Oh well....for sure tomorrow! I did end up napping on my break this evening. Hopefully tomorrow will be the last of my afternoon / evening naps. This is what coming off caffeine means to my body. I get really lethargic for at least 3-4 days....and i fucking hate it! I hate having low energy! The key will be not to indulge after days 5-7 when I really get off on the caffeine high. I'm tired of the up and downs. Eventually, the caffeine stops working as well as it did when I go off for several days then start again. It's amazing what plays in my head after being off for a while. I get these triggers and most of the time I act on them. I will try to remember to meditate and take some deep breaths. Maybe I'll take Bella on a rollerblade or bounce on my trampoline to get my lymph system circulating.

Day 3 No caffeine

I didn't publish this last night so I thought I'd just continue with status update.

Slept in again this morning. Had a good restful sleep last night. I remember my wife pushing me to roll over. I was snoring/breathing loudly. I'm wondering if I start eating more cleanly as well as not eating so late and losing weight will arrest my snoring! I hate that she nudges me so often because of that issue. I'm actually planning on fasting for a few days on green juice and smoothies. I'd like to drop a few pounds before Mexico. So far so good today.

Intake:

64oz of water
10oz chai tea
48oz of green smoothy

Bikram Yoga was awesome today. Super hot! Excellent instructor! It was so challenging getting through the class, but I did! Taking the day off tomorrow. I have an customer to see in San Francisco and will most likely not have time. Maybe I'll catch a noon meeting there or somewhere in between. Plan on going to the midnight meeting tonight at SNL. I'm glad I got an early night tonight.

I did end up having to take a nap tonight at break time. Hopefully I won't have to tomorrow night. I've had mostly good energy this evening. I was a little tired just before noon yoga gave me some good energy. Hope to have more tomorrow.

Feeling good today

2011-11-27T23:48:00.001-08:00

Heeeey! Thought I'd write a little before bed. It's been an interesting last couple of weeks! Everything is good and I'm grateful to be sober today! Well, at least sober from alcohol and cannibis. (side note: Funny that the word cannibis is indicated as being mis-spelled, but it safari doesn't' have an alternate word...not that i care) My intention is to get myself to an OA meeting very soon! I feel like I'm ready to take a step in the direction of food addiction recovery! OMG, I appear to very powerless over some foods and caffeine! Granted to today was our family's day to celebrate Thanksgiving with an excellent meal and shared with some good friends! But, I've been feeling like this for some time. I feel like recovery from alcohol and pot must also include some recovery from other addictive substances that consume my brain. I so want to be free from my desire to use addictively and to really feel the natural energy that I have internally! Lately, I've been spending $7 a day on starbucks coffee---> 1 venti coffee and 1 venti eggnog late...I'm starting to develop a tolerance for this amount and it's not having the desired effects that I get when, say, i've been off of caffeine for a few days then drink again! It seems like i've been on this roller coaster ride for some time. I've been trying to "control" my intake! I've been trying to read healthy books, listen to healthy podcasts, purchase healthy foods and supplements only to fail miserably with my latest and greatest plan! I'm getting tired and feeling sick and tired! I feel like I'm ready let go and humbly ask for help! My ego tells me i can do it myself, FUCK THAT! YOU CAN DO IT!! LoSER!! Fuck head! Whatever! I'm so over it! I'm ready to stop driving the bus!

I've been regularly attending meetings in AA as 12am. I get off at 11pm and it's a great way for me to get a meeting in before I end the day! My days are packed! I feel like if I ate better I'd get more done as well! Why not ask for help! All I'm going to do is work the 12 steps of OA with a someone that is doing the as well! I think today was my 5 meeting in a row! It's amazing how the 12 programs work! I feel so much better! OK...I'm tired...my plan tomorrow is not to have any coffee! I will try and post more often!

Boy Oh Boy

2011-11-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Better late than never! Yes...I'm back! I like saying that! I haven't re-read my previous posts in some time, but the last few that I glanced at I observed those words "i'm back" in the first paragraph. Well it's true I guess! I should totally be writing more! I really should be documenting my crazy ideas that go on in my head! Maybe it will help me or someone (like my family) understand me better! So here I go...I'm going to write a little bit and hopefully I will build on the momentum!

Here we go! It's no secret that I struggle from addiction! I'm addicted to alcohol, food, and coffee! I struggle with my mind about being perfect! Perfect is probably too strong of a word. But ever since I became a father, I have struggled to be the best parent I can be! I believe the reason I sought help from my drinking was because of my girls! Uhh....not sure where I'm going with this...I think I could write a novel with this stuff, but I'm not going to now...putting on the breaks....I'll conitue this story some other time.

Thank god I have a strong understanding wife! She's absolutely amazing in every way! She's not perfect! NOBODY is perfect! No way!! Not even god! What??? More on that some other day, maybe! lol...anywhoo...I started drinking again over a year ago June?? I can honestly say, that I didn't think it was going to be this hard getting back to not drinking. Yes it's been hard! I love the effect of alcohol. Too bad there are consequences to drinking too much! Otherwise, I'd be all in all the time! Fuck hangovers! I hate them and therefore, I'm making another, final, resolve to abstain! No mas! I'm done! Finito! I will start going back to AA meetings to supplement, my powerful mind! If I drink again, I will not take another toke of MJ! No I won't! I will have proven to myself that all roads lead back to the allure of the drink! It's not a death sentence! It's a great way to live! I used to love going to AA meetings! I don't think MJ is a problem for me and plan to only use it very sparingly! I will honestly report back my adventures in regards to alcohol, MJ, food, coffee and the like!

Yes, I need to get everything on the table and document my feelings, thoughts, and actions. In addition to random musings and writings. I do hope this will be of some value to my girls some day!

Yesterday, I did go to a BK yoga class! It felt so good to get back there! I'm so grateful it wasn't a hot class! It only felt mildly hot! It had been over 2 weeks since my last class, so I knew it should have been tougher! I love Bikram Yoga! I love how much I sweat! I love that it strengthens my back as well as my core! God give me strength and motivation to get my butt in a class more often! I was going to the 7am class frequently! At least a few days a week. That's after working

Starting a new

2011-06-19T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's me! I'm back! I am still alive! The good news is I've been 100% raw all day today! Yahoo! I am tired however and don't know how long this post will be. A lot going on in my life in general. I am sober today and it feels really good! I plan on keeping this sobriety date! Its just a few days shy of my 1 year since I broke my abstinence with alchohol! Definitely a big deal! I'm so tired! I'm so tired of drinking and hiding my drinking and worrying about who's going to catch me and all the stuff that goes along with being an alcoholic with 4 + years of AA! It's not fun! I did have some fun...but mostly it was taking me away from real life! So more of my story to come...but for now I just wanted to post something....Again....I love writing my thoughts in a public forum such as this! So here it is! More to come! I should be 100% raw tomorrow as well. If I'm lucky I'll get to Bikram!

Namaste!
'

Fuck the Rules

2011-03-20T22:49:00.001-07:00

Yes...I guess I've tried lots of ideas and gimmiks to try and gain control of my addictions. I've come to the sad or, more importantly, liberating conclusion that I am powerless over everything in my life! I'm Especially powerless over food and alcohol!

New Rules Needed

2011-02-27T20:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, today is/was Oscar night and I knew I'd be going to a party so I decided not to have any rules! I did have some coffee today, so I'm pretty wired after not having any for a couple of days. This is how I roll! The caffeine buzz is more intense than if I were to have it daily! Certainly enjoyed my brew today! It was a beautiful day around here! I got to go to San Francisco for a few hours. I was at my customer's place and when I walked in, I could smell the aroma of coffee. Hmmmm.....I wasn't planning on having any, but when it was graciously offered, I accepted. Ahhhh...twas good to the last drop.

Unfortunately, I was unable to get to exercise today, but Bikram tomorrow for sure.

New Rules:
No Coffee for 45 days starting tomorrow!
Start 30 day Bikram challenge tomorrow!
Eat only unrefined, unprocessed, whole foods for 45 days starting tomorrow

I think this is a good set of rules to live by for the next 30 - 45 days. My goal is to drop at least 10 lbs for starters. Ultimately, my long term goal is to be in the low 180's. I'm currently at 202 lbs. I'm very tired of the extra weight I've been holding onto for months. In addition to losing weight, I'd like to get my body back to optimum homeostasis. I'm tired of the flareups that I've had the last several weeks; both knees, my right shoulder, last night the top of my right foot. Auto-immune disease! Fuck that! I need to start testing my food/flare up theory. And so this set of new rules will be a good step in the right direction!

Intake:
1 quart of spring water
1 quart of grapefruit/spring water juice
1 venti coffee
1 1/2 c of coffee
1 banana
couple of cups of soda
random fingerfoods at party

Ok...I'll check in tomorrow and update then!

--Cheers

So Far So Good

2011-02-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

I've done really well today and am very please with my intake overall. The day is about over and I'm about to make myself my late night snack treat. I had this last night and it really hit the spot and have been looking forward to it since about 6pm. My creation is sliced bananas in a bowl, topped with honey, add granola, 3/4c of yogurt and thawed blueberries from the freezer. So yummy!

Intake:
1 quart of water
1 apple
handful of raw almonds
1 orange
steamed asparagus with feta and sauteed mushrooms
1 hard boiled egg
2 quarts of green smoothy (mixed with 50% green juice)
banana yogurt treat

I was struggling earlier. I was craving more cooked food. I listened to and watched some inspirational videos and talks from my favorite raw food peeps. I love listening to Daniel Vitalis, David Wolfe, Anthony Anderson, Jason Wrobrel, Patrick Tempone, and the host of Natural News. I'm so glad I got through today. I didn't write down any New Rules earlier, so that gave me an opening to eat bad things, but I'm tired of it. I'm ready to change! Writing helps!

Terrible Eating day

2011-02-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

Exercise: Bikram Yoga

Intake yesterday: (do I dare, report!)

1 serving chicken terriyake from trader joes
1 peanut butter choc chip cookie
1 apple turnover
1 choc cover donut
1.75 pieces of cheese pizza
1 bag of lays barbecue chips
1 bowl of cereal (cocoa puffs)
1/4 piece of cinnabun
1/2 bowl of soup
2 quarts of water
1 quart of green juice/smoothy

OMG...that's a lot of crap, I know. Not good! Good thing today is a new day and I get to start over...My intention is to start living my ideals and values more consistently. I keep thinking that I can do this on my own...without the help of Overeaters Anonymous! Is it my ego that tells me that we can do it? I so want to start living my life with intention and purpose....I feel like I'm straying too far from where I want to go and to where I've been! I feel better when my diet is more clean!

I've been playing around with a new idea I'm calling New Rules! The rule of New Rules is for me to start living by the New Rule that follows the rule. i.e., New Rule: No coffee today or No coffee for 3 days...then follow it to the letter...No Matter What!! I guess I can put the rule here vs. my hard copy journal. I like writing, but typing is so much more fluid and easier for me to do! Not to mention its more convenient. So what's my New Rule for today?

OK "Let's do THiS:

New Rule:
No processed crap! Eat only raw unprocessed foods just for today. NO MATTER WHAT!

I plan to have one more cup of coffee and that will be it as far as! I'll update my progress later today.

So, the deal is, I have to do this. New Rules needs to have meaning in my life! Otherwise, I have to admit I really don't have control! So...we will see!

12:32am, Update:
So this is great, so far so good! Actually, now that I've re-read the post, I realize that I did eat something cooked tonight. I thought I was going to be 100% raw, but that's ok though. At least it was whole food. I'm pretty sure they were lentels, with sauteed veggies! No problemo! It's exactly right now-->this time of night that gets me every time! Every f'n time lately! I get an urge to eat this late in the evening. It's been very frustrating doing it over and over and over again.

I am sleepy now...just catching up on idol. Should have come home and read, but writing now is definitely new for me. I kinda like documenting! It feels good!

Intake:
1 venti coffee
1/2 cup of coffee
1 apple
1 quart of orange juice
1 quart of juice/smoothy
handful of raw almonds
1 quart of sierra nevada
3 cups of lentels (amy gave me a second helping....it was actually pretty good)

New Year...New Aspirations

2011-02-21T01:15:00.000-08:00

I'm back. Yes...it's me again. Back with more content for my blog! I know it's not much, but it is mine and I do like to write. Therefore, I shall write.

It's already February and this month is almost over with as well...Writing this late does make me sleepy. I suppose that's why I've decided to write now..I've did have some coffee this morning and i'm not too too tired...but as I sit her and type, i am feeling the pillow calling to me...this is a good thing

The no coffee new years resolution lasted approximately 14 days. 14 days is the longest i've gone without it for at least 3 years now. Not sure why it's such a struggle for me. I actually do know, but choose to believe that I will be able to drop the caffeine intake when I decide to. Ooooo, can it really be done. My intent is to write in my journal about this issue and others that have been a pain in my side for quite some time now. More on that issue and others later.

As always, it feels good to write. I plan on writing more and it starts tonight. ;-)

Did see the Justin Beber movie tonight. We all really liked it! I have a new appreciation for that kid! What a story!

Intake today:
3 cups of coffee (after a 2 day break)
1 apple
2 oranges
2 quarts of green smoothy
handful of almonds
2 slices of pizza (dinner)
some popcorn & sips of vitamin water
2 quarts of springwater
bowl of cereal (wheat chex) childhood favorite

That's it...pretty light day of eating considering. Tomorrow is a new day. I plan to drink more of my green juice and if I'm lucky abstain from cooked food tomorrow...I plan on going to Bikram Yoga tomorrow evening, so I will definitely be eating light prior to taking the class. No coffee tomorrow as welll. Will try and update more frequently for my own sake.

Namaste

Fasting, Recovery, and Bikram Yoga...Oh my..

2010-12-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

So I did a 4 day fast recently and am so stoked for the energy and willpower to pull it off. Maybe I should say God Power instead of willpower. Thank you God for the power to juice fast for 4 (almost 5) days! It felt so good to take a break from eating. I detoxed a little bit. Shed a few pounds, of course! Bonus! Got some great sleep! Did not disturb my wife's sleep by snoring. Apparently, when I eat cleaner and I'm less fat, I tend not to snore! Lately, I've been snoring quite a bit! Anyway...not really sure how to recap since my last post, but thought I'd post something to get some thoughts out of my head!

Went to a very good meeting tonight! I thought it was going to be a dry meeting because I sized up the speaker based on his looks! Terrible right! I hate when I do that! Part of me wanted to turn around when I noticed the chair person. So glad I stayed. I always get something out of every meeting I go to!

The topic was on Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it!

I didn't get a chance to share! I haven't really given step 10 a good look lately, but realized tonight that it is very much engrained in my daily life! I'm constantly taking my inventory and am very aware of the actions I need to take in order to help me live happy, joyous, and free! Now, whether or not I take the action is a very different story! Lately, however, I've been taking a lot of action in many areas of my life that I feel is helping to make me a better human being.

List of actions:

I'm sober today
Got to a meeting tonight
Asked someone to sponsor me
Made an appointment with my dentist
Recently sought counsel of a nutritionist
Started to see my therapist more regularly
Showing up for work on time
Present for my children and wife
Starting to attend Bikram Yoga classes regularly

Those are the list of actions that I've taken recently that are helping me so much. I've been very lazy in the self development area of my life and am confident that I will continue to take the right path with the least resistance.

Not sure where I'm going now...I'm tired of looking at the screen.

I should mention that I regret drinking the coffee today. I should have listened to my inner self that said, don't do it! But hopefully I learned that my body doesn't respond well to it any longer. I do not plan on drinking any tomorrow or the day after. I pray that I stay away from it! It's a drug that my body and mind crave and deep down I know that I can't drink it without having ill effects! I just felt amped and edgey. Oh well...progress not perfection! Thank god tomorrow is a new day.

Bikram was very tough this morning. Actually, this was the toughest class I've had since I started. I'm not really sure what it was, but I'm just thankful that I went and got through the practice! I'm pretty sure I'll go tomorrow.

Anyway...

--Namaste

Bikram Yoga Rocks

2010-11-20T18:47:00.000-08:00

I know, I know...it's been so long since I've posted. It's ok really, because it's not like I have any followers or anything. (Not that my ego wouldn't mind having some followers.) This is really a place for me to come and share what's happening with me. I try to be honest with my eating. However, that's not a very true statement. Because if I was honest, I'd be writing about all the shit I've been eating. Total Crap. Bad for you food. I struggle with food. I hate that I struggle at all with anything. Food would have to be at the very very top of my issues these days.

The reason I'm writing right now is because I'm feeling good. My eating is clean today and I have good energy. I never write when I eating crap! Ever! I write when I'm feeling good or possibly when I'm about to eat crap. If I haven't, I will start coming here to vent about my feelings regarding my cravings and desires to eat foods that are not on the list. Good point, maybe I'll make the list now. I wasn't planning on doing this, but I feel it would be a good exercise. Speaking of exercise, I was recently turned on to Bikram yoga. I'm so stoked on this new find. It may be that my yoga practice is helping figure this stuff out. All I know is if I eat like shit the day or night before doing bikram, the classes are harder and I struggle. More on Bikram later...Back to my list of foods to stay away from:

Abstinance List:

Coffee--> I have to stay away from coffee. I'm a total addict and I LOVE a good caffeine buzz and it totally fucks with my energy and food intake.
Refined flour--> I can hardly imagine not ever having slice of sourdough bread again, but need to test the waters here. (I actually have an appointment with a nutritionist next week. Hoping she can shed some light on my struggles!)
Potato Chips--> They're not that healthy for you and it may be a food that I should stay away from.

This is doable for the near future. At least until I can get some professional advice! I definitely have issues! I wish I was normal and could not trip on food or alcohol or coffee.

I think I'm starting to get tired writing now! It sure does feel good to write again. I love this forum. I found some great Bikram blogs that are so fun to read. I can't believe how much I love doing Bikram yoga. I feel soooo gooood when I'm done with my practice. I want to be a Bikram instructor! I'm gonna start saving now! My goal is to do it in 2012! Stoked! Stoked! Stoked!

Today's intake:

spring water--76 oz
2 cups of chai tea (with raw honey)
32 oz of green smoothy
1 pear
fresh apple juice--32oz
celery & broccoli with hummus
2 oranges
raw almonds--1/2 c

I need to write down yesterdays intake:

2 venti coffees from starbucks
steel cut oats with banana and brown sugar
spaghetti with alfredo and veggies from cafeteria (bland)
beans and tomatoes (cafeteria) --not bad
peanut butter cookie (cafeteria) very good, but super greasy

When I got home from work at 11pm then I had:

ritz crackers and cheddar cheese
ritz crackers and smoked salmon (from costco) very good
small lunch bag of lays barbecue chips
2 bowls of lucky charms with almond milk

I think that's it. I may be forgetting something. It's the night eating of junk food that's been hard to break, but that's about to change! At least that's my honest intention! I will go to a meeting tonight, maybe. Tomorrow for sure! We'll see how I feel at midnight. I'm kinda sleepy eyed right now...therefore, i'm signing off

--Namaste

Abstinent Day 2

2010-09-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's actually day 3. I attempted to do an update via my new ipad, but for some reason it wouldn't bring the focus to the main body to update....Oh well...Maybe I'll try again. I was at work taking a break in my car, tapping into google's free wifi. Anyhow...

Feeling pretty good for day 3. Basically I've been all raw for 3 days now. It's amazing how clear my head and how much more energy I'm feeling. Except for some trader joes hummus I used to dip my broccoli and peppers into, i've been raw.

Yesterday's intake:

2 cups of chai tea with honey
1 plum
2 quarts of green smoothy
1/2 quart of coconut choc/maca/cayenne smoothy
handful of nuts/gogi mix
2 quarts of spring water

I finally made it to our local spring to harvest some water. It takes 20 minutes per 5 gallon bottle. It makes me feel good knowing i'm putting spring water in my body vs. the RO water! I harvested 4 5gal jugs, so I should be good for a while.

My eating habits have been so bad lately. I've gained, within the last couple of months, at least 10 lbs. I'm at 200 lbs. I'm so uncomfortable lately, something has to give. My food choices have been awful as well! It's so crazy to me that I've been eating so poorly! It's mostly the night eating as well as some poor food choices that have contributed to my weight gain and my low energy!

The good news is "tomorrow is a new day"! and I can make a change anytime I choose! I love the early morning brisk air we've had lately. I can feel the seasons changing and I'm looking forward to changing with it! So here I go! Ready to post as much as I can to document my food intake as well as my daily progress and feelings.

Peace

Abstinent Day 4

2009-12-10T23:20:00.001-08:00

Funny to read my previous post's entry. "Addictive eating no more"

The good news is that I keep trying to stay abstinent from refined flour, processed sugar, chips, and caffeine! Yes I'm at it again and maybe, just maybe, I will not regress. I'm so tired of my past eating habits. I'm so ready to move forward from my unhealthy ways.

I'm up to 195lbs, the last time I weighed myself at least. I could have crept up a pound or two. OMG, 198 oh my! I never thought I'd be back in this neighborhood, but alas, here I am! I've been waiting to post until I had a few days under my belt. I didn't want any one day false starts. Like I've been doing for the past freaking year! "Today's the day I start abstaining! For fuckin sure this time!" Shea right!

Feels good to write again. Tonight was my wife's christmas party and I actually ate sensibly! What a freaking concept! Thank you God for giving me the strength to not share that lava cake with my wife! I kept looking at it! Debating! I didn't give it TOO much thought however! Thank god! I abstained and I'm thankful! I am just a little hungry right now, which is why I'm writing! I will most likely have some fruit. Even though it's 11:30pm and I could easily go to bed. I'm most likely going to have maybe a banana and some a bite or two of the raw chocolate treat I've paid $8 for from whole foods! Whatever! It is a serious treat for me! I just need to figure out how to make them myself. (All in good time!)

Keeping it real & grateful!

Addictive eating no more...

2009-09-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how it happened, but I've been raw since the first day of Autumn and I feel pretty darn good! Not sure where to begin except that I made the decision not knowing it was the first day of fall. It realized this a couple of days into it and it seems quite fitting for it to fall on this date. For the longest time I've been trying to come up with the "perfect date" to start my new way of eating...New Years Eve, New Years Day, April 1st, (my AA birthday), July 1st, my wife's birthday....I don't know why, but I wanted to make it a special day.

I'm sure I'll start blogging lots more now...I've got lots I need to get out of my system...I just hope I make sense!

Today I felt like I had some detox symptoms...like I do when I eat dairy....I started sneezing a few times, then my nose just ran and ran for 30 minutes maybe. Hmmmm....I expect lots of detox symptoms in the days and weeks to come!

I'm happy to finally start my journey!

Food Log:

64 oz of green smoothy
64 oz of water
1/2 cantelope
couple slices of orange
nut burger from cafe gratitude
some live nuts (from whole foods)
few figs
some sliced tomatoes
12 oz of kombucha tea

My plan is to start a fast either tomorrow or Monday. I will prepare the juice tomorrow...enough for a few days.

It's been a while...

2009-08-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

Have been mindfully staying away from posting. Hmmm.... I enjoy writing, so how come! I know why! I've been too busy! I'm too tired! I have nothing to say! What does it matter, anyhow? No one really cares, so why should I care? Too funny! All these excuses sound wonderfully valid. Some are, but most are just that--excuses. To be honest, I just enjoyed reading my last post! Or part of it! It's interesting, how much I struggle with my addictions. Especially food and coffee!

I need to start writing again! It's good for me to get stuff out! I also need to start hand writing in my journal! I will try not to be too self conscious about what I write about and just write. I'm confident that I'm not the only person struggling with intake choices!

My wife and I recently got away to Calistoga and Mendocino for a few days. Ahhh....it was sooo nice to be away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.

The highlights were as follows:

1. Made love a lot
2. Stayed at Indian Springs resort for 2 nights and swam (floated) in the hot spring pool for long periods of time late at night under a blanket of stars.
3. Enjoyed my first mud bath
4. Stumbled upon Farm Sanctuary in the local book store.
5. Experienced my first fresh water spring. (Very Cool find)
6. Spent quality time my wife
7. Stayed 2 nights at the Stanford Inn. (The only thing it was missing was an olympic sized natural hot spring pool)

The whole trip was great! Our kids were in summer camp all week and we got away! It was nice to be apart, but it was also nice to re-unite with them at the end of the week!

So I just got done reading Farm Sanctuary! What a great book! It was a good reminder for me to why my food choices matter. Especially my reasons for not eating meat and for inspiring me to continue to strive to be 100% raw vegan.

I'm getting tired...so it's time for me to retire. Besides I feel like I'm rambling anyhow...I made a ton of juice today...so the plan is to juice tomorrow and get pumped up to start my fasting journey asap...

Green juice, green smoothies, OH MY...

2009-04-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

What a difference a day makes. I'm so glad this day is almost over and I can plop into bed for a pleasant slumber! OMG...I had the hardest time falling asleep last night because of my coffee consumption! I knew it too! Since my body did not have any coffee for at least a week or more, I was super sensitive! I knew I was going to have a hard time of it! I think I actually thought I'd just have a small coffee or a grande! Oh no, not me dude! I have a Venti! It's like a tall beer or a pint of Lager! Then i go back for one more, when the caffeine buzz is really on! Like it's going to get better or something. Actually, I got cotton mouth and felt pretty lousy after about an hour or so after finishing my second Venti!

I think I've learned my lesson! I don't like the way caffeine makes me feel. Not to mention all the negative effects it has on your body! I've been re-reading a lot of the literature I have on caffeine and it really does help to keep me focused on why I need to stay far away from the stuff!

Intake:

32 oz Lemon water with MSM
32 oz of greeen smoothie
32 oz of greeen juice
64 oz of water
10 chlorella tabs
10 spirulina tabs
1 TBS bee pollen
2 bananas

I felt really great and was going to stay raw, but the Indian food we purchased last night was calling my name, "one last time"!!

I should have stuck with my plan, because I had plenty of energy prior to consuming the indian food!!

17 Days...not too bad

2009-02-25T22:49:00.000-08:00

17 is a far cry from 90! But...I'll take 17 over 3 0r 4 any day! 17 days and I faltered! It was a good run, but I'm stoked to be raw currently! I think I may have gone to that place of doneness with cooked food! I did eat cooked after my 17 days--straight away as I recall! It didn't take me long before I lost all that I had gained and worked so hard for.

Oh well! It is a journey! I'm feeling really strong and ready to commit, again! I really want to be the change I wish to see in the world. I have so, so many dreams, goals, ambitions, and creative ideas I can't be bogged down with cooked food sluggishness! No way! I'm actually tired slightly from eating too many fats, but hey, it's raw! I'm sure I'll be fasting again very soon! I'll be ramping up to actually make my goal of 90 days!

I've had a ton of gas today, and I'm not sure why? Maybe too much chlorella??

Looking forward to reconnecting with other raw fooders and folks that can relate to my struggles with cooked food!

Blessings to all,

Freshness

Stressed out...ARGH!!!

2009-02-01T22:50:00.000-08:00

Yeah....I'm fucking stressed out!! To the max!! I'm seriously trying to hold it all together, but the last couple of days have been challenging to say the least. The biggest challenge was to not eat and stay the course on my fasting journey. I received my first phone call from a bill collector! FUCK!! I just can't stand the fact that this is happening to us! I just have to remember that we are not alone! We aren't the only people that have debt and have suffered a major setback! WHEN we get out of this mess! This is going to be it!! I will never ever be a slave to credit again!! It wasn't supposed to be like this! No it was not! I was ready for bed and thought I'd post a few words, but now I'm getting myself all worked up. I did make it to a couple of meetings and the certainly helped! It is getting easier, but my ego is taking a beating.

I'm thankful to be juicing. Thank you GOD for another day of juicing! I am truly grateful!

-Freshness

Day 9 & 10...Good & Bad!!

2009-01-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

10:14pm

The good day was today! Had a GREAT day! I thought I was done with the coffee, but I had a cup this morning. (Actually, it was 3! Ha, ha!) I don't think my body will handle it as well tomorrow!! I was REALLY jacked up on the caffeine! I thoroughly enjoyed....kind of! Actually, I think I would have been slightly more productive if I hadn't had the coffee, but, god damn it, I know when I'm done this time, I SERIOUSLY DONE!! SERIOUSLY!! I've had enough coffee in my lifetime to know that this addict...is addicted to it! I seriously can't believe I thought I could stop last February after having "just one cup"--because I was on "vacation"! Too funny! Not really! I love the aroma, I love the scene, and really, really love the buzz!! Whatever...enough about coffee!

We went to a going away event for a family who's moving out of the area this evening. Lots & lots of food and drink! I had plenty of green juice today as well as lots of lemon water too. It was really great to be PRESENT with the folks I got to interact with! I can't express how amazing it felt to really be there in the moment with everyone. I felt more handsome and slender. Not that that means really means anything except that I was generating positive energy and felt like I was able to share that in the most subtle of ways! (Does that make sense?)

My wife happened to read an email reply from a friend of my intention to go 90 days on my juice fast. I knew she'd react the way that she did when she found out and this is the reason I haven't really shared with her my real goal, initially. I think she just thought I was fasting "again". She's like, "that's like a whole a third of a year!!" I tried to down play it by telling her that she was wrong and that it was only one quarter of a year. I guess when you put it in that context it really is a long time. I did not go into the context of looking at it as your life span.

I've got lots to share with her regarding my goals and life direction! It has to be the right time and place. I can tell that this is going to be a life changing fast/feast for me! It has to be! I'm at a critical turning point in my life! So many life decisions to make are coming up for me and my family. It's really quite uncomfortable at times when I think about everything. I'll address a lot of this stuff as I go here, cause it feels good to get it out! For starters, I was laid off from my tech job in November and the prospects of finding a new job in the same field are discouraging, thus far. We are running out of money at a rapid pace. I applied for a mortgage modification program today to get our payments reduced! Anyway...being unemployed for the first time ever is kind of an ego buster, to put it lightly! I've been trying to figure out my "life" passion/direction for some time and I think I've figured it out! Kind of....more on that later! I'm now getting sleepy and need to retire for the night.

Day 8...Good Day today

2009-01-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

10:49pm

Today was a great day! Had really good energy pretty much all day long. I went to a noon AA meeting and heard some really good stuff! Got my haircut--it always feels great to get my haircut! I keep wanting to "grow it out", but it's just easier when it's short! I dunno! I spent several hours in the library reading. Went to a buddy's house and picked a bunch of meyer lemons! OMG!! I couldn't believe how many lemons he had on this tree! I was in lemon heaven!! LOL! I have at least one quart of lemon water with msm, and cayenne every morning! I've only missed a few days out of the whole year! I don't think I've had to buy any lemons. I've got this lemon circuit I hit every few weeks! I've always got my eyes peeled while driving the neighborhood as well. Funny!

Anyhow...I can see and feel the subtle changes going on inside and out. Oh, how I've missed this feeling! There's a saying in OA, nothing tastes better than abstinence feels! My senses have started to heighten as well. Hearing, smells,

Emily and I took Roxy for a nice evening stroll! I love spending 1:1 time with my daughters! I know she enjoys it as well! I love that I have the energy to "WANT" to go for an evening stroll with my daughter! Let's see! There was tons of cooked food in the fridge, that I could have/would have eaten today! Who knows what I would have been focused on THIS day? Everyday has been different! Today it's Indian, yesterday was pizza, tomorrow could be the Mexican joint or Mediterranean place I loved to frequent. I'm grateful to say that cooked food was not my focus today! I'm so grateful I got turned on to raw foods and fasting!

I got to end my day with bringing an AA meeting to a recovery home for troubled youth boys!! It was so powerful! The stuff they shared at the meeting made my week! OMG! I'm so grateful that I'm sober from alcohol and marijuana and I get to share my message of hope to others that struggle! Being of service is REALLY what it's all about! Thank you for today!

What a FULL day I had! NOW I'm ready for bed!

Peace & Love to all

I think I'm going to make it!!

2009-01-26T23:40:00.001-08:00

Day 3

I know I've written the following words several times before, but I need to continue to admit that I'm a food addict and a compulsive over eater! As much as it pains me to admit defeat, I have finally submitted! FUCK trying to figure this food thing out on my own! Whether trying to eat more raw foods, or even just trying to eat more healthy, if I have any refined flours I'm fucked!! I now know that I cannot indulge even the slightest bit. If I do, I start craving more! More on my addiction to certain foods later.

Ok this day is almost over and I've been fasting for the last 3 days! Pretty big milestone for me since I've attempted to start this fast at least 3x already and have faltered on Day 3! This is a Big Deal for me!!

Today I got some tattoo work done. I did not want to cancel may appointment as the artist in booked 3 months out. (Picture to be added later.) It was an add on to my existing tattoo on my left arm. It wasn't as painful as my the first time, but OMG, "Yeah, it fucking hurts"! I have a tribal band on my left arm and it's the inside of the bicep that is really tender! I played some Nirvana on my ipod and "checked out"! Needless to say, it took a toll on my energy and I was super duper tired afterwards.

Update: Day 5

My arm is healing nicely! Feeling very good about actually making my 90+ day goal! I did catch myself negotiate starting over, AGAIN! "Fuck that!" I finally told my addicted self! I got on the phone and talked to a friend in recovery about my thoughts and feelings. It really helped to take the power away from the compulsion! Once I take a bite of cooked bread or chips, I don't want healthy! My mind craves and starts to obsess about what I'm going to eat and it's always cooked vs. not cooked! Hmmmm......I do have an action plan that I'll write about later.

--Think Positive & Love All

Day 5

Update: 6:16pm

Currently feeling tired from a full day with the children. Helping my daughter with her science fair project as well as working on their bedroom. We've got mold growing behind the dresser from a water leak last summer! Crap! I cut out the affected carpet and sheetrock on the wall! Does not appear to be have gotten onto the studs underneath. Thank goodness! What a day! I'm officially poopied and ready for a giant glass of green juice.

Day 6

11:20p

Oh Boy, the day is almost over! Thank goodness!! I had a pretty busy day today. I did run out of juice and decided to make have some green smoothy to hold me over till tomorrow! Hmmmmm.......don't know if I'm going to do that again. It kind of got my stomach growling a bit in the afternoon! I put tons of goodies in it, so I was stoked to partake, but I could feel the hunger pains creeping back and it kind of bummed me out, slightly.

I came home in the afternoon and my wife was making some kind of yummy smelling casserole with cheese, onions, mushrooms and savory stuff like that! She also make a soup that looked really great as well! Good for her I thought. I had gone to the store and loaded up with greens and some fruit in preperation for my juice making task I'll get done first thing in the morning.

I had a venti coffee at starbucks this morning while. I was on the fence about having anymore coffee, but decided to have one during the meeting. Hmmm.....not sure I'll have anymore coffee going forward. I've been struggling since last February with getting off coffee after my last long fast! I really didn't plan on drinking it for 11 more months. We were on vacation in Lake Tahoe when I decided to have a cup. You know, because I was on "vacation" and it seemed like such a great idea! I love coffee! I love the aroma of coffee. I love the idea of drinking a fresh cup of joe! I really, really, love the effects of the caffeine buzz from coffee! But I'm an addict and I guess it only makes sense, that I do! I also know that after a while, I get tired of drinking it and get bummed that I "have" to drink it otherwise I start to feel lethargic! I dislike that feeling very much! It takes me about 3 days of feeling sleepy right around 12-2pm. We'll see how it goes! I'll post tomorrow.

Enough rambling about coffee. I'm tired and it's time to hit it. I love my restful sleep induced by this fast!

--Fresh out

Progress not perfection

2009-01-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

The first day is always the hardest to get through! I got home around dinner time. I faltered! Oh well! I'm going to get right back on the saddle and give her another try! I love that it's a new day and I get to start over! I'm grateful for today! I'm grateful!!

First Day of a new beginning!!

2009-01-07T00:12:00.000-08:00

Day One

OK here I go! Ha ha...I just checked to see when I started my fast last year! It was one day earlier! Last year I did start on January 1st, but faltered on day 4!! I was out of town New Years Eve and was not in good place to start a proper juice fast as I had planned for the coming New Year! Now that I'm back in town, it's really pissing me off that I'm unable to make a successful start! Blogging works for me! Putting my intentions into visible text for everyone to see helps me gain momentum! I turned 41 on the 12/27/08! I'll be damned if I go another fucking year on this fucked up roller coaster! I'm fasting as of NOW and I refuse to look back--only forward! My last cooked food item I ate was a homemade chocolate chip cookie; made by "yours truly"!

Man o man...does it feel so good to officially start with my master plan--more details to come!! I am a cooked food addict!! I am really, really miserable right now!! Mostly, because I'm really got a few extra pounds that are starting to make me very uncomfortable!! FUCK THAT!! I'm ready to take control, with a little help from my higher power, which I choose to call GOD!!

I'll take pictures tomorrow! I must have gained 5-10 lbs since Thanksgiving!! Besides the weight I'm not happy with a few other areas of my life!! I want change and change is a coming!! It has to come! I've been praying for strength! I know I can do this! I'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired! I've been doing the same thing over and over and over again and NOTHING has really changed for me!! I'm spent!! It's officially over!!

I will report back tomorrow!! If there is anybody out there that happens to read this, please leave me some words of encouragement! I need to get reconnected with the loving accepting raw food community!

It's late, I've got lots to say and hopefully as the fog lifts, I will start to make more sense and make good decisions on some really important issues that are coming up quickly in my life!! OMG!

New Journey Begins

2008-12-01T08:55:00.000-08:00

Today, today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm commencing my 90 day juice feast/fast! I've been eating like hell all year (off & on). I can't wait until the new year.

12/1/08 will be my sobriety date for cooked food. The last thing I ate last night was my wife's pumpkin pie. It was really good, but as I truly believe, cooked food is totally overrated. I'm a cooked food addict! I'm ready for change in my life.

Tons more news to tell later...gtg..

New spot for regular posts!

2008-11-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

Until I can get consistent in my raw food eating, I'm going to start posting to a place that I'm more comfortable sharing the details of my struggles with food and other addictions! I will be back!!

You can find me here more regularly!

Thanks for checking in!! ;-)

Love,

Dougie Fresh

Long Day...abstinent... and Raw

2008-10-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

Today was a long travel day for me. I managed to stay abstinent from processed sugar, refined flour, and starches--Feels really good. I read quite a bit from 12 steps to raw food by Victoria Buetenko! She's so awesome. I loved her first book and love this book even more.

Upate: 10/19/08 7:45am

So insidious this disease is! Is it really a disease like AA and OA claim it to be! A disease of the mind and a spiritual malady, that when I take that first bite of whatever it is I deemed to be abstinent from, I cannot control how much I'm going to eat! For me, I have a low pain threshold, so it doesn't take much, but I still feel the same way afterward. Bummed, remorseful, self pity.

My father-in-law came to visit today and brought some of his famous latvian rye bread, "my favorite"! I wasn't planning on eating any. But then came a thought that triggered something inside my head that said, "it'd probably be ok if you just had one tiny slice". I had two! I had it just before we went out to dinner. I told myself earlier that I was definitely just going to have a green salad with lemon juice, no matter where we went to eat! But that triggered thought eventually said that it was ok to have the bread and that I'd probably be able to control my intake tonight, so go ahead and eat, whatever, one last time! Famous last words!

Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! I'm so fucked up! Oh well! I did it again! I over ate at dinner then at home late in the eve, then paid for it this morning. It was hard to get up. I felt slightly nauseous! But today was another day to start a new! And I did just that! I've been 100% raw and feel great for doing so!

I made a rather large salad tonight after the meeting! I was chuckling to myself, that I've never overate on a salad! I was a big salad and I was really trying to finish it, but couldn't! I was in San Francisco today and went to Cafe Gratitude for the first time! It was such a cool place! I had a bowl of coconut curry soup and a bagel with "lox" to go! I'm well on my way to a new start! I'm hopeful I won't have anymore slips.

I'm really going to try and make being abstinent as important as not drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana! I'm an addict and food fucks with my sobriety!! Cooked food is just another drug for me and I know it! I may use the OA meetings as a tool as well as trying to get reconnected with other raw foodies!

Until next time... Grateful Doug

This is it...REALLY IT

2008-10-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

So, it's 2:20am EST and I've had coffee, fast food, soda, and a piece of lemon bread! THIS IS IT!!! I've fucking had it! I'm so tired of being sick and tired! I'm so mad, and energized at the same time. I've got to post now! I've had shame, guilt, remorse, and overall sadness the last several days and weeks! I've been on such a roller coaster these past several months, it's finally time for me to get off and do what I really want to do: put a halt to my compulsive eating! I really am a true addict in every sense of the word. And of multiple substances. Ever since I got sober from alcohol and marijuana, other forms of addictive compulsive behaviors have reared there ugly heads. I guess it REALLY is a good thing! In the sense that I appreciate the journey! I'm so glad that I know the truth and know exactly what to do! My ego is a little pissed that I've surrendered! Fuck it! I heard it so eloquently put recently, "A defeat of the ego is a Victory for the soul!" I am powerless! I'm powerless over food! I'm powerless over cooked food especially! I am not a normal eater! I am not a normal drinker! I cannot have just one of almost anything!

I'm actually excited! I'm a little fearful, but a lot excited! I'm ready to have more energy! I'm ready to be a better Dad and Husband! I'm looking forward to not obsessing about what I'm going to have for dinner or to have that last piece of something! I'm ready to have better health! I'm so ready for a new start! Please god help me! I'm so grateful for my life and all of the my raw heros!

I should really change the title of this blog to My great BIG LIFE Adventure! I'm sure I'll be writing more! I love to write! So much going on in my life right now. I need the extra energy!

Love to all!

I'm so crazy...

2008-10-06T09:06:00.001-07:00

I ended up fasting for 6 days! It was really nice to go that long! I didn't really set any goals and I guess I should have in retrospect. I was just testing the road again after such a very long break.

I'm such a cooked food junkie! It is so hard to get away from it...especially when the family is not on the same page as I am. My wife, has come a long way in a short amount of time! She recently read the book, skinny bitch and went vegan overnight! It was awesome to see her get it! I guess she was finally ready.

My plan is to make more juice today and stay 100% raw, all day! We'll see if I make it! I ALWAYS have big plans for the day ahead only to falter by evening!! Maybe I'll pick up the book 12 Steps to Raw foods!

I'm baaaack.... First Day

2008-09-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Not sure where to begin except that I soo want to fast and detox. I've decided to re commit to writing and communicating my feelings and experiences with my daily life and with my food. Actually, I've been so busy lately that I'm not sure that I'll be able to post daily, but will write as much as I can. I love writing and communicating. I miss reading and keeping up with my favorite bloggers. Feels good to be back and part of this small but growing community of raw bloggers....

But first I will fast....I need to fast to reset my palate. Today is the first day of at least 30 maybe 60 and possibly 90. Yes indeedy! I'd love to finally make the full 90! We'll see....done by mid December! Wow! What a goal! I know I can do it!! I just need to figure out the family/social dynamics part of fasting and make sure everyone is on board with me... We'll see...so far my wife thinks I'm fasting for a "few days"...

Day 2
10:30pm

I made it through day 2! Felt like a breeze, kind of! I tried to keep my intake up quite a bit, I'm sure it helped. Anyhow...it feels great to be fasting again. I found one blogger who's on day 46ish...it'll be fun to follow a fellow feaster/faster.

I've got a super busy day tomorrow! I'll be up and adam quite early and going, going, going till at least 10pmish...I recently started my own business and it has really revealed to me what kind of energy/time drain it takes to run a business--solo--for the most part! Oh well...it's fun...hopefully it will pay off in the long run!

I was counting all of the days that I fasted this year and it was somewhere around 40 days. All of the fasting I did this year was wasted on my poor eating over the summer! I'm soo ready to detox and reset my clock once and for all. I really need to "be the change I wish to see in the world"! I feel like this is finally it! My time is now! I'm soooo ready to do this!

Until tomorrow...Good night

Day 32

2008-02-07T11:24:00.000-08:00

Day 32
11:25am

Too pooped to write last night. I started getting tired around 2pmish. I got to bed early and had a well rested nights sleep. I guess my body is requiring rest; hopefully to heal and detox. I just wish I had more energy to do more stuff in the evenings when I get home from work. I assumed I'd start having more increased energy by now on this feast. Oh well. I'm sure the increased energy will come after I start back on solids.

I used to have these grand ambitions about what I was going to do later, only to decide to eat cooked food, whatever it was, then crash out! This is ONE of the things I want to change. After the kids go to bed, by 8:30pm, I could totally go to the gym and work out, go for a sauna, or to the climbing gym, do some yoga, read and or take Roxy for a walk!! I'm looking forward to being productive with my increased energy!

I actually contemplated taking a class or 2. The semester started January 28th, but I didn't want to not have the energy to read and study. This feasting takes so much time, energy, not to mention the monetary cost. I feel it's an investment in my health as well as my family's health! (Leading by example!) My kids are always asking me if this or that is "healthy"! ;-)

Did I mention that my mother-in-law is back on the fast/feast with me. She's doing a modified version. Since she's a diabetic, she's doing mostly greens juices and is also doing green smoothies. So far so good. I think she's on like day 10 now. I can tell her energy level is increasing since she started taking Roxy for a walk in the mornings. She's got at least 100lbs to shed. I'm hoping she stays with this for a while. I know I'm a motivator since I've got so much time under my belt already.

I trekked out to the elephant pharmacy last night and picked up some chanca peidra! Yeah! I'm stoked to continue with cleansing my liver. I had such a great experience when I did the Amazing Liver and Gallbladder flush, I wanted to continue until the stones are flushed out. Then I read that the chanca piedra is much more gentler, and the fact that I don't have to consume the epson salts and water is a plus. The great experience I'm referring to

Day 33
11:29am

Thought I'd comment real quick about how good I'm feeling right now. OMG, what a difference a day makes! I think I should really be saying is what a difference an enema make! I was unable to do an enema for the last day or so. I got a chance to do one last night and again this morning! My energy level is really I and I have an immense feeling of gratitude for this day, for this feast, for the love of my family, for the love of this amazing juice feasting and raw community! I want to keep going! I want to make it to day 92! I think I can, I think I can....

Day 34 update coming soon...

Day 30...Feeling pretty good

2008-02-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

10:24pm

It's getting late, but I wanted to post a little something before I retire for the evening. I'm stoked to have made it this far! Well, after not too much consideration, I think it's a good time for me break my fast! I feel compelled to eat and will start with some Indian food...........................NOT!!! I'm totally joking and couldn't resist!

I have to say that I was just slightly disappointed to know that some fellow feasters we ready to end their juice feast! Actually, I'm more envious than anything else! The committee in my mind couldn't help but to contemplate whether we were ready as well to end our feast as well! I told them sternly, "HEEEEELLLLLL NOOOO!" I'm not ready! No, No, No! Not yet! As much as I want to get back to solid foods again, I feel like I can keep going a little while longer. How much longer? I'd like to get to 60 days! I'm going to shoot for 40 days and re-evaluate where I'm at! I know I can make another week!

I'm totally on cruise control right now. I'm so into my juice feasting routine; it's really not that hard to keep going at this point. Sure, I have my challenges and difficulties at times, but all I have to do to get through them is to try any, if not all, of the following: drink more juice; take a nap; take an enema; pray; meditate; go to a meeting; or just got to bed! ;-) So far so good!

I was going to write much more, but I'm really pooping out here! I will try and write earlier tomorrow! Until then....

Be well!

Day 24

2008-01-30T16:16:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days have been kinda tough. I've said this before, but it's really tough living with cooked fooders and preparing food for them while fasting. Maybe that's why I've been thinking of cooked food so much lately. I wish this feast wasn't so hard mentally to do at this point. I keep thinking about a lot of my favorite foods I used to eat! Even the crappy stuff like Cheeze Its. What do they add to them that makes them smell so cheezy? I was really tired and cranky yesterday! I hate being cranky! "What's the matter Dad?" ;-( I guess it's a combination of a lot of things. I went out to my car today and napped for 20 minutes around noon time! I'm feeling better even after such a short nap. I woke up feeling depressed yesterday morning as well. It doesn't help that I wish I could afford to quit my job and go to school full time! That'd be a dream come true...I have some ideas about what I'd like to do to make me happy to get up and go to work!

Day 25

It's amazing what a 20 minute nap can do--Wow! I watched a great series of videos yesterday that We Like it Raw posted of Daniel Vitalis. I want to be like this guy when I grow up! Seriously! When I start thinking about eating my "favorite" cooked foods again then I watch a video like this guy, it really inspires me to strive to a higher level consciousness! I know it's only an emotional attachment I will let go of! I'm confident the longer I stay on this fast the stronger I will be when I'm finally ready to get back to ingesting whole foods again!

Day 21

2008-01-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

2:50pm

I'm really stoked to be here on Day 21! Tomorrow will be the longest I've ever fasted! I'm very proud of myself for getting this far and look forward to getting another week behind me! I'm also proud of the and the other feasters out there! THIS IS NOT EASY!

I feel like I'm just about acclimated to pacific time. I went to bed at 9pm on Friday night and slept until 7am the next morning. Ahhh.....blessed sleep! Yes it was wonderful to get some awesome rest. I felt so good, I got my butt back to the gym and worked my chest, bis, abs, and lower back. I was planning on going to yoga as well, but I got a pretty decent workout and decided against it! I'm glad I made that decision as I was quite tired last night by 9pm and could barely keep my eyes open.

Saturday weigh in: 177lbs (Very cool! 4lbs in seven days.)

I need to post a photo of myself just before I started this fast. You can see these two pronounced fat pockets just below my rib cage! They totally piss me off and are a huge motivation for me to stay on this fast until they are GONE--NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!! Oh yeah, they will not be back! I will have that six pack I've always wanted! Yes, I admit it; I'm just slightly vain! Here's the photo:

This was actually taken on Day 2 of my fast, 1/2/08. Oh yeah! I'm sucking it in here. I'd have a nice little pot belly if I wasn't. I think I took a side pro of me back in November I'll have to search for and post. It's awful! And it's my motivation to stay thinner! I think I'm close to 194lbs here and yesterday I was 177lbs! I know I may have been closer to 196 or something, but didn't want weigh myself and get any more discouraged/disappointed with my weight than I already was! I know it's weird! Some men have the same issues as women when it comes to our weight! Anywho....

I got another solid 9 hours of sleep last night. I got on the stair master straight away and had a great sweat. It's a great way to start my day. I can feel I'm getting stronger and more in shape. Since I've started back on the stair master I've been on a level 1 (customized) and feel like I'm ready to increase the intensity a bit.

I have to give respectable shout out to David and Katrina Rainoshek juicefeasting.com! I was blown away with the data they have compiled as part of their juice feasting program! Very very cool! I have a few of the books they have referenced and posted for download on their site, but it's awesome the way it's format and compiled in one place! Bravo! I was hesitant to take the plunge and purchase the 92 day program, but I my curiosity got the best of me! I think it's well worth the money.

Hellacious Travel Day

2008-01-25T17:15:00.000-08:00

Day 18
5:17pm PST

I just arrived at home! Have to write now before I finally run out of steam. OMG, I had my last 32oz of green this morning at 7:30am EST. Just before I walked into the security checkin at Boston Airport.

The flight was supposed to arrive in SFO at 11:37am. No problem, I thought! I can handle this! I did great! I just had water, about ~32oz during the flight! The weather in the Bay Area was NOT GOOD! They had to reroute our plane to land in Oakland because SFO had dense fog and wind shear? I finally got to my car in long term parking @ 3:15pm PST! OMG, I was so ready for some nourishment. It's really storming outside and the commute to my neighborhood was a bear! I went straight to the produce stand! Got my veggies and made a b line for Jamba Juice, "I'll have a double shot of wheatgrass and a Power OJ please!" It had been ~12 hours after my last juice intake! I made it! I'm really stoked to be home! What an adventure! I have to say it was a breeze until about 3pm. Then I really started to poop out and was craving FOOD! No flippin way! NOT NOW! NOT YET! ;-)

Yahoo!

(Crap! Now I've got to make juice!)

I Am Legend...

2008-01-22T20:58:00.000-08:00

...is such a cool movie! OMG, it was soo good! I had a great time--even without popcorn and a soda! I did enjoy a Kombucha tea during the movie, however. It was a nice treat!

I finally remembered to purchase some Kombucha tea from whole foods on Monday! Very very interesting elixir I must admit. I've heard so many people talk about it and sparked my interest some time ago. My first experience with it was on Monday morning--terrible timing. I got a little nauseous. I think it was because I just had some pasteurized apple juice then Kombucha; after not having anything for 7 hours! Not a good combo ! I didn't think I was going to try it til after my fast was over, but I felt really energized all day today and thought I'd give it another try. Funny smell, but I liked twangy taste and the carbonation! I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or what, but it seemed to perk me up a bit. Hmmmm.................

I had a weird morning because I'm still on Pacific Standard time. I got eight hours of sleep but couldn't figure out why my eyes were so heavy. Then it dawned on me that it's 3am in California right now. Oh well, off to a weird start, but gained momentum early and was very productive for work today!

I was in the kitchen again and I think I made enough juice for tomorrow. I sure miss my Breville juicer!

I need to stay on this fast. I need to stay away from cooked foods for as long as I possibly can! I don't want to go back to my old eating habits. The longer I can fast the stronger I'll be when I get back to whole foods again. Before I started this fast I had a hard time NOT eating out! I was driving to the theater tonight and I couldn't help looking at all the pizzerias and other eateries. I think it's just habit too!

Still feeling strong, but getting tired so I guess I'll wrap up this post.

Day 17
[3:17pm]

92 days! Man that sounds like a long flippin time to not eat. I feel like I'm on such a roll right now, that I could totally do it! Can I do it! I totally have a strong desire to get there!

For me, it's not just about detox and weight loss. I'm also doing this for spiritual and emotional reasons as well! I'm such an addict when it comes to so many things in my life. Actually, the really bad stuff I gave up some time ago! However, those addictions were only replaced with certain foods--not so bad, comparatively speaking some might say!

First I gave up alcohol almost 2 years ago, 4/1/06! I didn't think it was a problem for me until I tried to quit and realized I couldn't! OMG, it was true...I had become a pickle! A little less than a year later I gave up smoking cigarettes, 12/31/06! I also gave up all meat and tried to go mostly vegan! I ate some meat, experimentally speaking, a few times within the last year, but my body paid dearly every time I indulged! After not eating meat for so long it was so taxing on my body to process! It's truly amazing what our bodies get used to!

I want to be healthy! I want to have abundant energy! I want to be able to go backpacking and climb mountain peaks again without my knees hurting for days afterwards. I want to be able to work in the garden for hours on end without my lower back hurting. I want to run a marathon, and a triathlon. I want to LIVE for a long long time! I want to have the time and energy to play and be present with my children! I want to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life! I want to get to figure out who I am and where I'm headed spiritually! Slowly and confidently I know I'm heading in the right direction!

Alpine Cheer

Day 18
[12:30am EST]

I did an amazing job on the amount of produce I purchased on Monday for exactly 4+ days of juice. I impress myself sometimes! ;-) Besides missing my family and being couped up in an apartment testing SW, this was a good trip for me! It was really easy to stay focused on my feast! I've got about a quart left over to down just before I get to the security gate at the airport. My flight is just under 6 hours back home! I'll be looking for Jamba again! ;-)

I just got back from seeing Juno. It was a great movie. I saw the Atonement last night. It was OK. I was expecting more however.

I can feel emotional detox starting to simmer in me! Hmmmm...............It will feel good when I get to release it! Not sure when it will happen!

Day 16

2008-01-21T16:37:00.000-08:00

The last 2 days have been very tough! Sunday I was low on juice with lots to do on the schedule and no time to make any juice. Thank God for Jamba Juice! I had 3 Power orange/carrot (3 quarts) and 8 ounces of wheat grass total as well as the last bit of my own juice. I guess I planned it pretty well because I'm still here doing this thing.

On Sunday, we also had a social engagement I had to attend with the rest of the family. We went to see our god son, whom we haven't seen in 2+ years! (Way overdo) The mom had quite the spread (food) out when we arrived! Everyone was eating and drinking and drinking and eating and as I was watching them, drinking my pelligrino. I swas trying to focus I really tried to be present and enjoy their company; and I did! I think the worst part was the aroma of fresh baked bread she pulled out of her bread oven and the baked ziti! Oh well. It's over and I toughed it out! I kept thinking about how tired all of them are going to be later after the heavy foods everyone was consuming.

Later in the eve; I packed my Omega 8005 juicer in my suite case along with my trusty knife, a cutting board, and a wash cloth! I caught the red eye at 11:10pm and arrived in Boston 4.5 hours later. I got a little shut eye, but not much. I had explicit directions from google maps to the closest whole foods from the Boston Airport! Thank god for the Garmin navigator I got with my rental vehicle; otherwise it would have totally sucked trying to navigate that city! I think I got enough produce for the 4.5 days I'll be here for! I picked up some pasteurized apple juice which held me over until I got settled and was able to prepare some fresh juice for today and most of tomorrow! Ahhhh.............you gotta love the greens BABY!! I was totally running out of steam, but the green juice saved me. I was pretty tired all day. I could have totally taken a nap,but I had to get some worked done, so I just worked through being tired and hit the hay early.

I'm feeling much better after a good nights rest.

Be well!

Day 13

2008-01-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

Day 13

10:49pm

My wife asks me, "how many days do you have now?" I tell her, "13", matter of factly. You guys are crazy! Referring to me and her mom! I remind her I've got quite a few online friends that have about 20 days!! It doesn't seem to impress her! I don't care! I think she was a little cranky tonight!

Today was rather tough for me! I don't like weekends. There was too much weekend food eating around our house today. It's way easier for me to make it through most of my day when I'm at work! We went for a walk today and the aroma of barbecue was very desirable to me. I was a big barbecuer and I still associate that to weekends and good times. I realize it's the burning flesh of some poor animal and will try and think of that next time I catch a wiff of someone's cue. I watched a disturbing video this evening that reminded me why I quit eating meat. Thank god I'm a raw vegan!

I need to keep fasting. I need to keep up with my momentum! It's getting pretty easy; I guess I'm just bored with only drinking juice. I was stoked to EAT some bee pollen tonight! ;-)

I went to the gym today and weighed in. I was 184lbs last Sunday and 6 days later I was 181lbs. Not bad. I think I'll weigh in every 6 or 7 days. Looking forward to getting into the 170 range! I think I was there earlier this year but only for, maybe, a few days! I also had a great workout. I did the weights again as well as work on my abs, I also had a really tough yoga workout! It was awesome. I'm looking forward to being fit and in shape again!

Anyway.....more later!!

More good energy today!

2008-01-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

1/16/08, 9:53pm

I was very inspired by Courtney's beautiful post today! It was the perfect beginning to what transpired to be another fine, fine, fasting Wednesday. I had good energy all day!

The only complaint that I have right now is that I've got "The Tongue"! That's what I've dubbed my tongue when I wake up and it's has that whitish film that stays there ALL DAY LONG! It really doesn't matter if I brush or not, it's always there. Actually, I take that back, brushing does help; but it's just short lived. I do hope "The Tongue" clears up soon. (I'm sure it will. I just felt the need to complain about something. lol)

The weather today was awesome, the sky was so blue and clear! The wind was steady most of the day! I love the wind! I took a break from the cubicle and went for a nice brisk walk. The wind was cutting through my jacket, but I warmed up quickly. Ahhh....it was great to get some fresh air and sunshine! I'm grateful for my life and where I'm at today!

1/18/08
Day 12

So far so good today; I actually had a low point around 2:00pmish. I think I was just hungry. I couldn’t help but think about how bored I was just drinking juice. I finally had some green juice and I got positive again. I’m so looking forward to eating something……SOMEDAY………….not so soon in the distant future!! It’s really too bad I’m so committed to doing the juice feast especially with work sending me to the east coast. Alissa Cohen’s new restaurant, Grezzos, just opened in Boston!! I’ll be working about 45 minutes from Boston! Since work pays for my meals while I’m away, they will only be paying for my organic produce from Whole foods! Oh well! I’m sure I’ll be back! I’m only SLIGHTLY disappointed!

Made juice again for 2 this morning! I think we made enough for 2.5 days only! I’m tired of making juice! OH Well! I’m happy though! My body is slowly transforming! My mind is certainly clearer! My eyes are finally getting whiter. I still have some redness, but not nearly as much as I used to! I sooooo want clear white eyes; I don’t think I’ve ever had totally white eyes.

OK…just wanted to get this post out tonight.

Happy Friday!

Increased mental clarity....and alertness

2008-01-15T14:33:00.000-08:00

Day 8 & 9

Day 8 was a great day for me! I was so pumped almost all day. I really noticed how clear my mind was as well as my overall energy!

I only brought 2 quarts of juice to work with me and I finished it pretty early on. I was getting rather hungry/tired by 5:00pm. I had quite a bit to do after work as well and I knew I'd be heading off to Jamba Juice for a power orange/carrot and a double shot of wheatgrass! Sure enough, that got me through the rest of my evening errands until I got home to more juice! Ahhhh............

My mother-in-law informed me this morning that she was ready to join in on our juice feast love fest! LOL ;-) I love her to death and I'm back to making juice for 2, crap! I was hoping to go a little longer without having to make juice for 2! It is sooo much work! Oh well! She knows how much time and energy it takes to prepare the juice and I know she appreciates it! I sooo want to see her lose a ton of weight. She, like my wife, have come a long way. I, kind of, spoon feed them little tid bits of information on nutrition and health and slowly but surely they're changing their diets and eating habits. It's really cool to hear that they're feeling better and healthier.

Back to my mother-in-law. She's a diabetic and will be drinking mostly greens juice. The green juices really don't affect her blood sugar. Actually, the last time she fasted with me, she was amazed at how normal her sugars were! I'm hoping she'll follow my lead and eat mostly raw when she gets off this fast. I purchased the new book from Gabriel Cousins: There is a Cure for Diabetes and gave to her for a xmas present. I also recently got the in mail Raw for Life dvd and I'm looking forward to sharing it with friends and family!

2:49pm:

I've got to stop cruising the raw recipes of some raw blogs/websites I regularly visit. I found this recipe I have to share. I need to remember to make this when I'm all done with the fast:
http://vegannosaurus.com/2008/01/06/raw-veggie-burgers-2-ways/
I'm craving raw goodness: avocados and tomatoes with garlic and jalapeños...yummm!! In do time! All in do time! I'm totally into my fast and this experience!

I had a great workout this morning on the Stair Master! No pain in either of my knees! A little winded, but overall I was so stoked to sweat before the sun came up!

9:44pm

Good thing I wrote all that stuff earlier today, because I am POOPIED out! Speaking of POOPY! LOL ;-) I didn't have a BM on Sunday after my liver flush. I had a small one today and yesterday. I'm always amazed at how much is in our bodies. I think I'll start the enema program tomorrow. I'll do mine with coffee as suggested in the book I read on the liver cleanse. I guess the caffeine has a cleansing affect on the liver? OK enough bathroom talk!

Yes, I'm getting slimmer. I purchased 3 pairs of cords with a 32" waist last November. They didn't fit at the time, but I knew they would in the New Year!! I tried them on yesterday and I'm happy to say that the waist was a little snug, but nowhere near as snug as they were in late December! OMG! Hopefully in another week or so, they'll fit just right. I just hope I don't need to buy a 30".

Final comment! Work is sending me out to the east coast for a week! OUCH!! I will not break my fast! I have a plan in the works....more later!

--Dougie Fasting Fresh

What a difference a day makes...

2008-01-13T14:15:00.001-08:00

Day 7

Up at 6:50am. I felt really great upon awakening this morning! I got up and went straight to the gym. I was only planning on doing a relatively light workout with weights. It felt sooooo gooood to be back in the gym again. It's been so long since I've had a decent work out! There was a yoga class scheduled for 9:30am and I wasn't planning on attending. I thought I'd just stick with the weights for today, but I was feeling so good by 9:15 I thought it would be good for me to do some stretching and I told myself I wouldn't push it! It was great! I'm so glad I went! I LOVE YOGA!

I think the liver cleanse really did a number on me because I feel so much better today compared to my full day yesterday! I'm glad it's behind me!

I weighed in today and I must have really tubbed up prior to the end of the year! I'd guess my weight was close to 194lbs. My weight today is a little over 184lbs. I'm thinking my optimum weight will be in the right around 168! Looking forward to that day!

9:33pm
I'm pretty pooped right now and ready to hit it--nice and early. I guess I knew I'd be ready for bed early since I worked out pretty good today. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I also hit the sauna for 30 minutes and had a great sweat. I love saunaing while fasting. Anyhow....I'm outie!!

Until next time my fellow feaster/fasters!!

Feeling Bloated and Getting Thinner

2008-01-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

Days 5 & 6

Up at 6:30am today.

Yesterday was an interesting day for me! I've been preparing for a liver cleanse that started last night. I had my last bit of apple juice ~20oz around 11:00am. It was my first juice of the morning! I couldn't believe how distended my tummy felt. Oh, I was so bloated I felt as if I was going to puke! OMG it was awful. It was like it was just sitting above my stomach and hadn't gone into the hatch just yet. I did the long walk to the bathroom (i was at work) and had the runs. That helped a little bit but not much. I think I went to the bathroom one more time and finally started to feel good again! Ouch! For the rest of the day I had great energy! I didn't have that much juice considering maybe 2 quarts ++.

The reason I did a liver flush was I read an eye opening article sent to my email inbox from News Target! After reading the article, I went to amazon and purchased the book by the author, The Amazing Liver and Gallbladder Flush. It was quite spendy at 24.95, but I thought it was a small price to pay for my health! Actually, I could have followed the directions from the following link and saved some money because they are the directions given in the book.

Anyhow...I'm here to tell you that it totally worked. So far I've had 5 bms since my liver cleanse commenced last night at 10pm and have observed ~40 pea size gall stones & 50+ smaller (<1cm-2cm). I was skeptical that it would produce any results for me, but knowing my history and the abuse I've done to my body over my lifetime, I was pretty sure I fit the bill to have a lot of gallstones in my liver! I'm just so relieved to on this road to better health and happiness the natural way!

9:58pm
Finally sitting back down to finish this post. What a day!! Man-O-Man the Epson Salt water concoction was brutal! OMG!! That was the worst part of the flush. Oh yeah, and being a slightly nauseated this morning for a short time! But very stoked to know my liver has almost 100 less stones clogging it's ducts!!!

I took a nap today and that felt really good to do! I think the flush took a toll on my body. I guess that's why they suggest you start it on a Friday.

I was going to write more, but I'm all pooped out and need to hit the hay!!

Be well!

Day 4

2008-01-10T14:04:00.001-08:00

2:04pm

Thought I'd write a little bit before I get tired. Up at 6:45am. I had a great sleep. I actually stairmastered for 25 minutes. A few days ago I could only go 17 minutes before the outside of my right knee started bothering me! I was really stoked to sweat today! I know I need to sweat at least once per day!

I've been off caffeine since last Saturday! Hurray! I love coffee. I love the flavor and aroma of coffee. I also love the effect of caffeine! Too bad it's not healthy for you! So, so many side effects of caffeine, it's really a bad addicting drug! Oh well! At least I didn't have to suffer through terrible headaches like my wife did! I just get real lethargic for a few days. I often will have a nap around the noon hour. My energy is good now! No nap needed! I like that! Hurray! I'm not saying I'm never going to have a cup of Joe again, but if I do I'll drink it purposefully and really savor it!

10:22pm

Finally sitting down to read some blogs and thought I'd better write now before I get too tired to wrap up my day. I'm finding more juice feasters blogs as well as raw blogs. I love reading about peoples experiences! I sware I can't get enough! I'm totally into a lot of other things too but I love reading your blogs. I'm sure I'll venture out from here at some point, but I especially love the feaster's blogs because that's what I'm doing today!

I drank a lot of juice today! I've got about 10oz of apple juice left and it looks like I'll be juicing tomorrow morning before work. Typically I prepare enough juice for a couple of days because I loathe having to make it EVERY day!

I had a pretty good day overall! I had great energy. I remember thinking around 6pm tonight that I have a ton of energy; I wonder when I'm going to crash!

That's about all I got today!

Be Well and Good night!

Ouch...it's really only Day 3...

2008-01-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

That title was hard to write. But maybe this is just what this homeboy needs, humility!!

What can I say; but I've got to reset my fasting clock! I was hoping/praying this wasn't going to happen but it did! I've been thinking about what I was going to write. I was actually going to not be honest and just pretend like nothing ever happened! But then I went back to my first entry here. "This is where I come to be completely honest about my eating NO MATTER WHAT!" It's true. Just because I have a couple of readers that I don't want to let down, I need to stay true to what my original intention was for this blog—to be honest! FUCK! ;-)

I was more worried about letting Jack or Jill down than anything else! I'm fine! I had a weak moment and I put something in my mouth and enjoyed chewing! Yes in deedy! I enjoyed chewing!

Many a times when I first started fasting; after several days, I would put food in my mouth and chew then spit most of it out at the sink! And that's just what I did! Oh well, I am back on track now. I'm a little melancholy about not being at Day 9, but hey it's a journey and I'm totally ok with where I'm at today! It's not the destination; it's the journey getting there that I have always loved!

It was a combination of many factors that led to my slip, but the biggest factor may have been this really great book I'm reading right now: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert! She's such a great writer! At the time I was reading on Saturday she was in Italy doing a lot of eating and drinking. She's so descriptive, I wanted to fly to Italy and find that highly suggested pizzeria that made the world's best pizza! Too funny! I remember reading and thinking to myself "so I really have a strong desire to go raw?". LOL

Deep down I know the answer to my question is yes, I do have a strong desire to eat 100% raw! All I have to do is think about where it would take me! I can never have just one of anything! I'd eat until I was over full, most likely, then I'd crash and want to take a nap! I hate that crash. I'm sick and tired of it. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! (I once heard that was the definition of insanity!)

Did I mention that my wife was fasting with me for a few days? Well she made it 4 whole days and broke her fast on Saturday. I know she was feeling a little guilty leaving me behind to fast. I also know she was really pumped to eat! She pretty much met her goal! I'm very proud of her and I fully supported her decision to break her fast! It was probably when she was making a tomato based soup and I tasted it for her to give her my expert opinion! ;-) It was such a tiny taste, I thought to myself, "I'm strong, I can handle this"!

I also quit drinking coffee on Saturday. Hmmm…..normally when I quit caffeine I get sleepy and lethargic! I wasn't doing too bad, but with the all the rain we were getting and being cooped up in the house with the whole family eating and kicking back. I was obviously testing myself pretty good! I've always had a tough time fasting and being with my family on the weekends.

But all that I behind me now! I'm only a little bummed I'm now set back a few days, when my fellow feasters are ahead of me! It's all good! It's the journey and not the destination that I appreciate so much!

So here I am at Day 3! It feels like day 3 too! I'm happy to be back too! So there you have it! I'm feeling good right now so I'm going to go ahead and post this. I'm confident I will make my goal. That reminds me I will be posting my list of reasons and goals for fasting. I'll start working on that for my next post!

Good luck all and congratulations on making to wherever you are! This is not an easy task to undertake!!

Love Doug

Day 4

2008-01-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

AM/PM Post:

Up at 7amish. The power had gone out at some point early this morning! It was fun to light candles and think about folks that lived before there was electricity!

I think I'll start writing throughout my day because when I sit down to write at night, just before bed, I haven't enough energy to put into a proper post! I'm going to try harder!

6pm
Well that was a nice thought! Too bad I didn't get a chance to write more earlier in the day. It got busy at work and never found the time again.

I'm doing well overall! So far I've consumed about:

32oz of fruit juice (orange|carrot|pineapple|pear)
48oz of green juice and about (celery|cucumber|spinach|apple)
20oz of coconut water

I love coconut water! I love it, love it, love it!!!

Time for TMI talk: So far I've had BMs every day. Today was much lighter than Day 1. When I stop having them every day is when I'll start the enemas. Probably every other day! I certainly appreciate getting rid of extra crap inside of me! (pun intended) ;-)

I purchased the following supplements:
Bee pollen
MSM
Pure Synergy
E3 Live
Renew Me

I'm taking E3 Live, Renew Me, and MSM every day. I'm alternating the green powders every day as well. I think I'm doing the bee pollen every other day as well.

That's about it for me today! I think I'll post a photo or 2 tomorrow!

Day 3

2008-01-03T21:41:00.001-08:00

Hannah & Emily setting the table for Thanksgiving Dinner!
You can see Roxy cruising the table for food. She's such an opportunist!

It's about time for my favorite part of the day; sleep! I get to got to bed, yeah!! I love my sleep when I'm fasting. It's always soo restful, especially when I get to bed earlier than my norm.

Today was a pretty uneventful day! I had to go out to my car and nap around 3:30pm. I think I napped for about 30 minutes. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have better energy! Not too much to report at this time, except that I'm happy to be on this fast.

-Doug

Day 2

2008-01-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

New Years Eve with Anita! (My Wife)

We spent the evening in San Francisco with friends. It was a great evening with food, fun, and good friends!

Day 2 is just about over and I'm poopeid! I spent about 3.5 hours in the kitchen preparing our juice. My wife is fasting with me, but only for a few days! Maybe she'll go 5-7, but I don't expect her to get much further! (I would never tell her that however!) I'm sure she'll go as long as she needs to go! ;-)

About done juicing the greens!

Then Anita came in and made something sweet for the kids! OMG, it smelled awful....YUCK!! (Not!) Maybe someday I'll be repulsed by the aroma of freshly baked cookies! (That's my large vat of fruit juice next to the pan of cookies.)

Anyhow...I'm glad this day is about over! Looking forward to getting to sleep! I love my sleep while fasting! It's just so restful!

OK, good night then! I'll write more soon! (Hopefully tomorrow!)

--Dougie Fasting Fresh

Get Ready, Get Juice, Get Fast, GOOOOOO........Day One

2008-01-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

This is it; today really is the first day of the rest of my life! I've written these words before! I'm sure I wrote them on the first day I started this blog! I've wanted to become 100% Raw ever since I read the book by David Wolfe, The Sunfood Diet Success System, last xmas 2006! A whole year later, I'm finally ready!

I've got many goals for this year and the first goal was to be 100% Raw starting 1/1/2008! The next goal was to complete a 90 day Juice Feast which starts today! I'm soo stoked to be here!

So much more to write about in the coming days as my mind clears!

Thanks again to all who have visited and sent to me well wishes, positive vibes, kind and encouraging words!

More later....

Thank you!!!

2007-12-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all of you that have left comments and, most importantly, prayed and or sent to me good vibrations of healing, positivity, strength, courage, and LOVE! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I truly love this raw food community! If you have any clue of what the raw food movement/LIFESTYLE is or are in the beginning stages of research and discovery; then you know or feel you're on to something HUGE!

I recently watched a video of a guy on you tube! (Courtesy of QWLIR, of course.) He was talking about how BIG this raw food thing is! "IT_IS_WAY_BIGGER_THAN_YOU_OR_ME" It was so funny the way he said it. (Not because he is from England either!) It was funny because I could so relate to what he was talking about!!!

Paraphrasing: If you think you can do this thing without slippin up, than you're in for a surprise! If you can, than more power to ya. If you can't no big deal because this raw food thing "IS_WAY_BIGGER_THAN_YOU_OR_ME" Don't beat yourself up! JUST_START_OVER!! There's no raw food police around that's going to arrest you for slippin! (LOL) JUST_START_OVER! Tomorrow is a new day and you can start fresh! The important thing to remember is to NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!! and TO START OVER!!! No matter what!

Those of you who are doing and living the RAW_FOOD_LIFESTYLE, you are my heroes and my mentors! Thank you for blogging! Thank you for your words of inspiration and love!

Cheers to YOU and Cheers to US! May you have peace, love, and happiness in your life ALWAYS!

I'm slowly but surely transforming! It's an amazing journey! I love it!

Thanks again!

--Dougie (Rawesome) Fresh ;-)

I need help!!

2007-11-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

If you believe in the power of prayer, please say a prayer for me! If you don't pray, just think about me, Doug, and send to me a vibration of strength, courage, and love! I believe I'm on the cusp of change and I need all the help I can get!

I've been praying and meditating a lot lately. Something inside told me to reach out and ask for help. Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do, but I know there's power in humility! I need help!

There! Sending this out to the universe with love and gratitude for you and everyone!!

THANK YOU!!!

I love yoga!

2007-10-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't been to yoga for quite some time. I went to a class tonight and I'm so grateful for that! Yoga is such a great work out for the mind body and spirit! Just as we got started the instructor said to dedicate this practice to someone or something meaningful to you in your life! OMG, the first thing I thought about was my RAW food lifestyle! I felt a strong emotion from deep within arise! It was awesome. I'm going to try and hold onto that feeling and stay on the path!

My goal is to be a yoga instructor some day! (Just thought I'd put that out there to the Universe!)

I decided to start another fast, again. I'd like to create a little distance from food so when I start eating again I will appreciate RAW food mucho!

I took a picture of myself tonight in my boxers. It will be my BEFORE raw pic. I tried my hardest to give the Anthony pose from Raw Model! I think I came pretty close! LOL!!! If I could only develop his 6 pack, I'd be really stoked! We'll see! I'm working on it!

Speaking of Anthony, you gotta check out the interview with him that's posted on We Like It RAW! He's got a great story and it's really worth checking out.

Well, I made it over the hump day and I'm stoked and inspired. I'm also getting a little sleepy eyed.

Good night...

Ctrl+Alt+Del..Reboot

2007-10-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

I love resetting myself, my expectations, and my desires!! Life is a such a trip. Especially when trying to stay RAW let alone fast for any particular amount of time!

Today is a very exciting day for me, besides being our 12 year wedding anniversary, I've decided (again) that today will be THE DAY I have my last cooked food and go 100% RAW!! YAHOO!! I'm so elated and pumped for me!! Yowza Baby!! (I know, I know, I've said this before, but this time is REALLY it!!) I've experimented enough over the last year, that I've realized I feel the best when I'm eating or drinking living foods! Seriously! I'm so looking forward to the rest of my life without cooked food! I'm ready to get off this awful roller coaster!

It seems fitting I had my last cooked food meal with my wife. My original intention was to have October 1st be my last cooked food meal, but since I blew that date, this date will be much much sweeter! I was tempted to tell her over dinner, but decided against it, as I didn't want to make too big of a deal! She knows I've been struggling with this issue for some time and has been very supportive! My hope and dream is that she will eventually follow my lead!

I've been reading a lot of inspiring blogs lately. I recently watched Kris Karr's documentary, Crazy Sexy Cancer! OMG, it was sooo good and sooo inspirational! Thank you for making this movie!!! FUCK canSer!! Fuck fucking canSer!! (I'm sorry, but I had to put that out there!) I'm so thankful I don't have it! I'm so thankful I have some knowledge about how to live and eat in a way that puts the odds of me not getting it in my favor. So many people are getting canSer, it's very scary!

Okay!! I'm ready for bed now! I didn't over do it tonight on the cooked food, so hopefully my hangover will be minimal!

Back on Track!!!

2007-09-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Ahhh...............I'm glad that's over! I've been on a cooked food eating spree! I think I've got it out of my system now! I'm ready to start feeling better! Starting a new!! Feels good to be back. I need to make some green juice this morning. I also need to do some reading and studying!

More later...

Sunday: OK...Green juice is made!! Yahoo!! Very bloated currently! So seriously looking forward to starting over. October 1st My cooked food sobriety date! Go for it Dougie! You know you can totally do it! You have the knowledge and will power to do a 30 day fast! Set your goal and go!

Monday morning: So glad it's Monday. It's another fresh start of a new week. Another chance to start over! Thank you for allowing me a chance to start over! I love my life. I love my life especially when I'm aligned with my values and ideals!

My sobriety date for cooked food will be October 1, 2007! I will take it one day at a time and will try not eat cooked food JUST FOR TODAY! I will also try my hardest not to forget how awful I've been feeling the last several days. OMG! It totally sucked. FUCK THAT!

It's funny (kind of) that I've been on this roller coaster ride with cooked food! Ever since I discovered fasting then raw food, I've been striving to reach a level of health and mental clarity that only few people know about! I WANT WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE! THEREFORE, I WILL DO WHAT YOU DO!!

I'm so happy to be fasting again and starting over. I'm tired of slipping however! I could have been that much further in my development, but I keep slipping! Oh Well!! Progress not perfection!

Well this day is about over with. Yeah! I remember being at the park today and thinking how lucky I am to be alive today! I felt really vibrant and happy! Now, I feel tired and sleepy! I'm about ready to call it a day, I just wanted to get this post out there!

Struggling....

2007-09-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it 5 days!! I haven't done 5 days for quite some time!

Thanks to Anthony for leaving a comment! I appreciate reading comments as well. It helps to know someone else is watching/supporting. I really dig this communication medium!

Like I was saying I was able to FAST for 5 days! I had a weak moment because I ran out of juice and I was running on empty watching my daughters swim meet! I went to the grocery store to get them something to eat. I picked up some grapes and lunchables. I ate just a few grapes to help me out a little! CRAP!! My FAST was officially over. I'm such and addict to food! It didn't take me long to start thinking about what was next.

(The reason I didn't blog about breaking my FAST is that I have to be honest here and I didn't want to admit my weakness! I'm a work in progress baby!)

Oh well! It was good, but I feel disappointed in myself for not staying with it! BUT!!! I'm cautious not to beat myself up about it! I know what I need to do! I know ultimately where I want to be and end up! I know that a RAW food lifestyle is for me and I long to have the will and determination to get there. I'm also aware that I have a long deep rooted history with food and I'm working on the detachment!

I must also state that it's quite difficult to do this thing alone. Meaning my wife and kids are not down with the RAW foods lifestyle, yet! I know I must lead by example. If it were up to me I would have gotten rid of our pots and pans as well as the microwave a long time ago!

More later...

Fasting Starts today!!!

2007-09-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

Yowza baby!! It's amazing what a good sweat does for the physical and mental part of me!! Thank you god for my stairmaster. I sware it's one of our better investments. Anyhooo....

I've committed to starting a FAST for at least 30 days from today! It will be my longest one to date. I did a 21 day fast in January of this year. My goal was to go at least 30 days but I talked myself out of it because of a social engagement!

I had a really, really deep sleep last night. OMG!! I was pretty tired last night, almost like I had eaten too much throughout the day! I'm looking forward to starting this Raw food lifestyle from a clean plate. I have a lot of goals and I will state them later. I need to head out to work and wanted to post this now before my mind starts telling me stuff like, "Why don't you start that FAST tomorrow!" FUCK THAT!! It's Friday baby and I feel like FASTING!! LOL

More later...

8:53pm I love how pumped up I am in the morning. I love that I make these bold commitments at that time! Good thing too--I got home around 8:30 and I noticed a pizza on the table. Crap! It was my favorite pizza from the local pizza shop. I looked inside. I shouldn't have done that! Oh man, oh man!! I'm writing now to take the power of the craving to eat some pizza. I know it would taste awesome! I know that I would have at least 4 or 5 pieces maybe more because I'm fucking hungry right now. Then I might want like a coke or to go with it! I would for sure crash not too long afterwards and I would feel bloated and depressed for not sticking to my commitment to stay raw and not to mention today is day 1 of my fasting adventure!

WHEWWW!!!!!!!!! I feel better already! My mind was totally playing with me! "It's Friday have some pizza. You can start over tomorrow!" Fuck that!

Intake:

~48oz of green juice
20 oz of fruit juice
48 0z of water (at least)

I'm almost too tired to write

2007-09-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

I opted not to have a cup of coffee this morning. I think I had coffee the last 4 days/mornings in a row. I love the buzz and taste of coffee, but man I have a hard time "coming off" of it. I had to go out for a nap around 12:00pm today. I started yawning about 10:30am. I napped my whole lunch hour. I woke up at 1:05pm. I was good to go for the rest of the afternoon. I hate having to nap in the day time. It may happen again tomorrow, we'll see! My coffee consumption must be kept to a minimum.

Today I did not drink any juice. I had a banana at 10:00am. That's pretty early for me to get my digestion system fired up! I seemed to graze the whole day.

Intake:

4 bananas
1 small orange
3 very ripe plums
1000 ml of water
tomato chips
salsa soup ;-)
handful of broccoli and cauliflower
hummus to dip my veggies in
1 mango
i found some dried bananas in my cooler which I polished off

I feel like I ate more stuff but I'm tired and my memory is not helping anymore!

Oh yeah, I was feeling a little low today. I didn't want to go to my business class! Hmmmm......I will attribute it to the caffeine withdrawal??

Good Sweat...

2007-09-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

I had another great day yesterday! It all started with a good 20 minute sweat on the StairMaster! Yeah baby!

Had a great soccer practice with the girls! I love setting up new drills on the fly! It would be hard to explain the drill now, but I think it really helped and it gave them a good work out! There was not a lot of screaming and goofing off today, just a bunch of flushed little girls having fun and a good work out. The real fun was when the scrimmage started. I was going to work on throw-ins and the "element of surprise" but decided to play in the scrimmage with them and "show" them what I wanted out of them! I had such a fun time with the girls and they really really showed lots of improvement! It's a great feeling to bond with the girls through coaching! I love it!

Intake for Wednesday:

32 oz watermelon juice
32 oz of green juice
1500 ml of water
5 medium organic bananas
1 box of raspberries
handful cauliflower and broccoli with hummus
1 nectarine
handful of dates

Ahhh.........feeling good!

2007-09-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

I did have a couple of cups of coffee this morning while in the parent teacher training! I enjoyed every ounce of it too!!

Up at 6:00amish. We had to be at a parent teacher conference at 7:30am. Then we had a parent training session for Hannah's class! This school really is an awesome school. I wish I was a kid again and going to this school!

Tooth cleaning at 11:00. My upper front right tooth was very sensitive to the cleaning. I hate that!

First sip of watermelon juice @ 2:00pm! Ahhh .......it was really refreshing. Now the question is; to eat or not to eat! I'm sure I'll be eating the 2 very ripe avocados we have sitting in the fruit bowl.

11:09pm
I'm feeling very good right now. Actually I'm a little sleepy eyed. I was just heading off to bed and forgot to post! I made it to a meeting tonight; twas a good one! I've noticed my spirit and energy has been elevated all day!

Intake today:

32 oz watermelon juice
32 oz of green juice
1000 ml of water ( i need to increase this number a bunch)
2 avocados mixed with some home made salsa
handful of tomato chips (dehydrated tomato paste with basil and garlic added)
handful of cauliflower
handful of broccoli
some cantelope
500ml of green smoothie

Yes, I've been feeling pretty light on my toes today. Overall had a pretty good day! Thank you GOD!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life!

2007-09-10T15:17:00.001-07:00

Today I start posting the truth about my addictions to cooked food! It is also the day I get completely honest with myself! I am finally ready to start documenting my destructive feelings for cooked food and my personal goals to transform my life once and for all.

The main GOAL of this blog is to allow me to be completely honest! So many times I've made the commitment to stop eating cooked foods and go 100% RAW only to falter and succumb to my emotional attachments to my "Favorite" foods! FUCK COOKED FOOD!!! It's so over fucking rated! I'm so ready to change my way life!

The idea to blog came to me this morning after a dream! Specifically, tell one person whom I have a lot of respect and admiration for. My goal is to tell him about my blog and the commitment I made to myself. Let him know where blog is located, if he's curious, and start posting. Make commitments! Commit! Then, post about what's going on! HONESTLY!! NO MATTER WHAT!!

I can honestly say (no pun intended) that I'm way apprehensive about doing this! It's like I'm giving up my security blanket: to go back to my cooked foods when the craving appears!

Oh well! I think it's a great idea! I'm so stoked for myself! I've got lots of goals to go after and a limited amount of time to get after them! So I'm going to stop procrastinating and start fulfilling my dreams and desires.

Intake today:

32oz of watermelon juice
32oz of green juice
1 avacodo diced, 2 medium tomatoes diced and mixed with my fresh salsa I made yesterday--sprinkled with a little sea salt--yummy
2 bananas
handful of grapes

Ok, it's bedtime: 10:36pm

Good night!